If at First You Don't Succeed...Give Up

Quit.  Give up.  Stop trying.  Convince yourself that you'll never succeed.  Why bother putting yourself out there if in the end, you're destined to fail?  If you don't try, you can't be let down or feel the sting of failure.  The effort was cute, but who are you kidding?

Yourself. 

If you believe any of what I just wrote, you are kidding yourself.  Don't feel bad though, I was starting to believe some of that bull myself.  It's amazingly sad how easily we can accept our failures and our limitations.  But dare to find to the courage to go beyond those limits, and even the smallest of successes we acheive, are taken in with a grain of salt.  Like each step forward was an accident.  A fluke.  Something that couldn't possibly continue happening.

Take weight loss for example.  I have lost a considerable amount of weight over the last year.  I see it in how my clothes fit.  I feel it in how my body reacts.  I hear it in the compliments of others.  Yet even with all of that pushing me to continue what I'm doing...I let the mere presence of an extra pound or two on the scale, set me back mentally as though I am destined to regain all the weight.  What a bunch of crap.

We unfortunately seem to have what I'll call selective photographic memories.  It's like looking at ourselves in a mental mirror and only seeing the worst picture of ourselves reflecting back at us.  Why do we do that?  It's not just in weight loss either.  With anything in life, you have to believe something can happen for it to be possible.  Even if you force yourself to stretch beyond your comfort zone to try something new.  If you believe you will fail at it, guess what?  You most likely will.  And when that happens, it's like a self destructive mental pat on the back saying "See, I told you.  You should have listened to me" 

In my last blog, I shared with you all a certain horrific, but monumental moment in my life.  The infamous "ROLLERCOASTER INCIDENT".   I shared that with you to let you all know how that moment was a turning point in my life.  I went on to say how that moment would never happen again. 

WRONG

Not that long ago, I went with my daughter and some of my family to visit the Wildwood Boardwalk.  Feeling adventurous, and particularly swanky, I decided to join my daughter and niece on.... THE CLAW.

The Claw looked wonderfully ominous.... as we stood in line.  But it was the thrilling wait as the ride operators tested and re-tested all the harnesses, that gave me that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Well, at least this time, I was not the only person asked to exit the ride.  Nor was I the first.  Neither point should provide me with much comfort but heck, a girl has to look at the bright side.

Needless to say, I was quite discouraged.  Here, even after so much success, I allowed a safety precaution, to set me back mentally.  That swanky feeling went into hiding and believe me...I sulked.  And sulked......AND SULKED.

It takes a million compliments to build you up & one insult to send it all crashing down

I am regaining mental ground and know I will get back on track again. But even now, the process is slow,  The compliments are still coming.  The clothes keep fitting better.  The looks given by male passerbys, which I used to dread, I am starting to enjoy.  But the positives are always so much harder to accept than the negatives.  At least for me.  I will reach my goal...I have to believe in that.  I do believe in that.  And hopefully when I do, I can find a mental sledgehammer to shatter that mental mirror into a thousand pieces.